I distinctly remember the moment I truly, officially decided to become an entrepeneur. I had woken up in a generic, stale, hotel room in Miami in April. The same hotel room I had woken up in four days a week for over nine months. I was homesick for Chicago and I was tired. I longed to be more than just a cog in a massive organization, desperately trying to make a difference or be heard. It wasn’t necessarily that I felt entitled to more, or better than that job, I just didn’t feel like myself. There were a lot of problems that morning. I had become unhealthy from the constant travel and eating out, mixed with the excessive hours of the consulting job I was in. I was learning, but I wasn’t having fun while learning. It was more like wading in thick mud and quick sand, fighting the clock to get through before the project pulled me completely under. I was learning to develop software professionaly under the absolute worst scenarios. I was teaching myself on a code base that was outdated, poorly documented, and frankly, not crafted with integrity. Who wants to learn that way? I remember walking outside into the muggy heat for the early morning car pool in my dress pants and long sleeve collared shirt, and I thought quite simply: “I can’t be here anymore."
A side project of mine had been brewing back in Chicago ever since college. It gave me a way out. This side project was a brilliant desktop software application my now co-founder/husband had written. He brought me in on the project (or I forced my way in - depends on how you look at it) and I found a way to monetize the concept. Together we developed a roadmap for the feature set and new branding. We came up with a silly name for a company from a song we both liked and put a website up. I started learning to code in the required technologies (I already had other programming experience through school) enough to start handling all customer support and troubleshooting for the product, as well as some testing and bug fixing. We made a great team and the project was fun. I felt fulfilled in a new way when I worked on it, just brainstorming or designing a new screen was enough to get me excited. It just so happened, my monetizing strategy had worked and a steady income was now rolling in.
But, just because we had a steady income, and a product, two things that many entrepreneurs don’t have the luxury of possessing right off the bat, I was absolutely terrified to quit. Why? Because my entire life I had expected a steady, linear, predictable career path for myself. Straight A’s in high school, leader of anything I could get the title for, and proud graduate of a top university. The logical next step based on my low risk, comfortable success track did not involve bailing on the corporate world after only one year. I had always been someone who didn’t take big risks. Walking away in 2008 during an economic meltdown was probably not the safest path. Somehow, however, I found the strength to be who I was and not who I thought I should be. Those were and still are two very conflicting and very different people.
I’m thrilled at how things turned out but there are definitely days when I still feel scared. Entrepreneurship, no matter how many people go into it these days, is no walk in the park. Having an entire company riding on your shoulders is a very differenent and potentially overwhelming feeling that isn’t for everyone. But, if you’re like I was, and feel like you’re not being who you really truly are in your job, it’s probably a sign to move on. And if moving on means taking an incredible leap of faith in both your own abilities and that of any potential partners, then I say: embrace that opportunity to learn about yourself and find your inner strength. You won’t get a better chance than this.
But, please don’t kid yourself. Most of us are fucking scared.
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[This post is the first in what I hope to be a multi-part series from my own personal experiences as an entrepreneur. Read more at: www.brittanytarvin.tumblr.com ]
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