Picture this: you’re sitting at your desk on a Monday morning, early into your career at a new company, when a shadow suddenly falls across the paperwork you’re reviewing. Glancing up, you see a coworker, maybe a higher-up, wearing a tailored suit and a slight smile. Before you can get out so much as a “good morning” comes the inevitable, rhetorical question: “Can I give you some advice?”
Regardless of your answer, if you’re a woman in the modern tech workplace, you’ve already heard plenty. Some unsolicited wisdom can be useful as you learn the ropes and settle into a new role, and most is well-intentioned — but that doesn’t mean all of it is worth taking.
In fact, “helpful” suggestions from coworkers can frequently do more to perpetuate existing gender biases than to challenge them; those who’ve thrived within the tech industry’s male-dominated status quo can more easily recommend women “fix” their attitudes to fit in than identify the need to reform any system that would ask them to. Even as tech reckons with the need to improve diversity, equity, and inclusion at all levels, it will take time to unlearn the industry’s historical toxicity, on an individual level as well as an infrastructural one.
Suffice to say, internalizing every piece of career advice you receive would be a mistake, though here’s one that five successful women in tech agree on: believe in yourself. We asked women across the industry about the worst career advice they’ve received and how they’ve learned to thrive through reframing it.
Club Automation is a Chicago-based provider of club management software for health and athletic clubs and medical wellness centers. Its parent company, Daxko, is the health, fitness, and wellness industry’s leading software and integrated payments provider.
What’s the worst career advice you’ve received?
Almost immediately upon starting my career more than 18 years ago, I was on the receiving end of multiple versions of “We’ve always done it this way.” Thankfully, I knew to look out for this, but what I experienced was that that advice didn't only mean the status quo was accepted as the only right way. It also was a recommendation to “not rock the boat,” to defer to others who had been on the team longer, and to be careful to avoid being labeled a bad fit.
This led to me overthinking and attempting to navigate decisions I didn’t think were the best approach, without being brave enough to show up the way I would have if I’d carried fewer doubts. As soon as I had that realization, I shed the fear and uncertainty I’d had… and things got a lot better.
How would you reframe that advice in a way that’s more helpful?
Listen to and intake all you can about your team, your organization, and their root goals and needs. If I’m being generous with the intent of the original advice, it would be to be curious about understanding why things are done the way they are and to learn what you can from those around you. Pause, listen, assess, and determine the best contributions you can bring to the table — and then deliver those as best you can.
I don’t know to what extent it’s a coincidence or not, but I’ve had eight positions in my career, and only one of them existed before I stepped into the role. I hope that is partially a result of identifying and speaking to what the best next (and sometimes brand-new) step is to take — and the potential benefits of taking it.
LogicGate is a Chicago-based software startup that helps companies automate their governance, risk, and compliance processes.
What’s a career “myth” that women hear a lot that they’d be better off ignoring?
Work-life balance was always a myth. To achieve balance, you have to have stability and control of everything happening around you. This was impossible even in the best of times, but it’s even more so now, in our Covid-19 world. I worked so hard striving for work-life balance that it made my feelings of being overwhelmed and burned out worse. Isn’t that ironic? Telling women that they can have it all if they just figure out how to balance everything does a huge disservice to those women. I believe it creates more harm than good.
What advice would you give in place of that career myth?
Presence. When you’re doing work, be present in the work. When you’re not at work, be present in whatever you’re doing. Put your phone in the other room. Uninstall social media from your devices, or log out of the apps so you have to actually log back in to use them. And then focus on what’s in front of you, whether it’s spending time with a friend, participating in a Zoom meeting, or watching your kid’s science fair spiel.
Learning about context switching was also transformative for me. The human brain requires several minutes to switch from one thing to another. Have you ever taken a quick break between meetings and jumped on Instagram, only to find that it was tough to get back into work mode afterwards? That’s because your brain was doing hard work absorbing the stimuli of your Instagram feed and needs time to adjust to your next task. I take breaks but try to truly rest my brain during these breaks. And I build in time for context switching, especially if I’m doing deep thinking, executive-functioning work (even if it’s personal work, like dealing with a moody teenager). These strategies help me maintain presence, and they improve the quality of my work and my relationships.
Accelerated Digital Media is a performance marketing agency offering services in search, social, and programmatic advertising, specializing in high-growth D2C e-commerce.
What’s the worst career advice you’ve received? And why do you consider this bad advice?
Early in my career, I was encouraged by a male manager at an agency to work overtime or create the illusion that I was working overtime by over-billing hours, replying to clients at night, and staying active on internal systems (like Slack) after hours. Agencies are commonly associated with long hours, zero work-life balance, and enormous pressure to stay connected. Women especially commiserate under this pressure, knowing they’re often evaluated by male leadership. This mentality is outdated, unproductive, and certainly does not benefit the client if done in vain. It also leads to burnout and rapid turnover.
We should be encouraging time management and productive mindsets. Employers will benefit more from hiring someone who is efficient with their time and can confidently log off at the end of the day than someone who is burnt out because they’re striving to be present or appear present 24 hours a day. As in all things, balance is key, and putting in extra time can be good if it accomplishes a goal, but it should not be commonplace in a work setting.
How would you reframe that advice in a way that’s more helpful?
Work-life balance is important; be exceptionally present during work and exceptionally present in your life, ensuring the two do not overlap. One way to accomplish this is through being proficient in time management. Consider leveraging time-blocking as a tool to achieve the kind of efficiency you need throughout your day. Time-blocking allows you to segment your days so that you’re hyper-focused on a specific task within an allotted time, without outside disruptions. This may mean silencing email, Slack, and dismissing meetings, but it’s also taking ownership of your time so you can be productive and feel confident when unwinding at the end of the day.
Echo Global Logistics is a leading provider of technology-enabled business process outsourcing, serving the transportation and logistics needs of our clients.
What’s a career “myth” that women hear a lot that they’d be better off ignoring?
Before answering, I am going to swap “ignore this advice” for “apply perspective to this advice.”
Throughout my career, I’ve received the message that “women can have it all.” This message came to me through a variety of channels and vehicles. At times, it was said outright as a form of encouragement. Often, it was alluded to as an incentive or a goal. One time, it was an entire speaker series! And sometimes, it was a message I told myself, unconsciously, while observing the women around me (both physically, and through social media) who seemed to “have it all.”
Regardless of how this message gets into our heads, it is imperative that we apply perspective to it. Because if we don’t, it can become a very destructive concept, leading to feelings of doubt and underachievement.
How would you reframe that advice in a way that’s more helpful?
What do I mean by “apply perspective?” To explain further, I’ll quote a friend who recently reminded me that “it’s all relative.” As I started to spiral down the comparison tunnel, she was throwing me a safety line by reminding me that I am running my own race, and no one else’s. I should never compare the mile markers in my race to the mile markers in someone else’s race. My “having it all” will be (and should be!) different from anyone else’s. In fact, having it all is self-defined and beautifully unique for each of us.
So yes, women can have their self-defined “all.” But let’s be kind to ourselves and keep the proper perspective that having it all will vary from year to year, perhaps week to week (maybe even hour to hour!) and certainly throughout the chapters of our lives and our careers.
Green Thumb is a national cannabis consumer packaged goods company and retailer, dedicated to providing dignified access to safe and effective cannabis.
What’s the worst career advice you’ve received?
One of the worst pieces of career advice I’ve ever received was to not be so sensitive. This feedback came from a male supervisor to whom I had given feedback a few times, to try to course-correct the way he spoke to me and others and reduce the demotivating impact it had. At the time, which was earlier in my career, this advice made me feel very insecure, and I started questioning and avoiding my own feelings or reactions to things that would arise. I developed a perception that having feelings and expressing them would come at the cost of being perceived as illogical or lacking confidence. I wasn’t being true to who I was. I wasn’t fostering authentic relationships and therefore wasn’t at my best.
How would you reframe that advice in a way that’s more helpful?
I would suggest the complete opposite. I would tell others, including this previous supervisor, to be more sensitive. Having or displaying a quick and delicate appreciation of others’ feelings is a superpower. We’re human beings and not robots. Paying attention to how we make others feel, and vice versa, and being able to articulate those thoughts is not only the kind, courageous thing to do, but it also fosters relationships based on trust and respect. You can do great things from a foundation like that!
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